Tag Archives: friendship

Life or something like it, Relationships

Too many “takers”

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Most of the time lately I feel like one (or both) of these two things. What is up with so many people in the world being “takers”? Is there no one left who actually enjoys doing things for those they care about? Or, are there others out there, I am just unfortunate in that I don’t know any of them?

For example, my co-worker (there are only two of us who run the store here) has been out of town for two weeks. Which means, I’ve had the store on my own for that amount of time. This means I have to think of every possible situation that could arise and prepare for it before I open the store each day. If I run out of ones in the register, I’m screwed… folks are getting quarters back for change. If I miss the mailman with our outgoing packages, I have to lock up the store for 10 minutes while I run them to the post office. If I don’t buy food, I have to be hungry. So one day last week, the mailman ran early and I had a ton of packages to ship out. And these eBay folks take their auctions seriously so there’s not putting it off til the next day. A very close friend of mine is here at the store as I package everything up and complain about having to lock up to take them to the post office. He leaves for work (where he only works 3 hours a day, btw) and proceeds to call me around 15 minutes later asking if I’ve gone yet because if I haven’t he wants me to go to the store to pick him up a pack of smokes! Nevermind that he could have offered to drop those packages off for me. Nevermind that I was having to close my store in the middle of the day to do it. Nevermind that he only has to work 3 hours a day.

Or, for another example, the guy I’m seeing (who shall, from this point forward, be known as KB) had a birthday last weekend. He’d asked for a special gift (there was an “outfit” involved) and I was happy to oblige. I went to LOTS of trouble to find the perfect outfit with all the right accessories and details. We had planned to get together to celebrate on Saturday night (the day before his birthday) for several reasons, none of which are all that interesting so I’ll skip that part. Anyway, at the last minute on Saturday night, he gets invited to a bachelor party, says he feels “obligated” to go, so he blows me off to go get really drunk and get multiple lapdances from the stripper. Which I get to hear about IN DETAIL when he gets back as the guys who went share their stories with those who didn’t go. First of all, I don’t enjoy being around people who are really drunk unless I am too. It’s just irritating. Second, our relationship is strained right now because of circumstances that make me less than confident so I really don’t want to be hearing about any stripper. Third, I went to A LOT of trouble for this birthday thing and to just be blown off as if it was nothing really hurt me. I know it was his birthday but I could go my whole life without knowing he’d drop me like that. Anyway, I sucked it up and got together with him after the party and it was great fun (of course it was fun; how can it not be fun when there are outfits?) but I can’t deny that the whole thing left me feeling used.

And I guess that’s the point of this post. I’m not a user. I don’t take people for granted. I appreciate even the smallest gestures made by others. So what the hell is wrong with everyone else? I’m pretty sure it’s my turn now.

Relationships

Watch Out for Wild Dogs

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Growing up I remember often thinking that life would be easier when I got older. And I guess some things are. On a lot of levels, I’m more confident. I don’t have to worry about pimples. My parents can’t tell me what to do. I have my own money that I can spend as I see fit. etc. etc. etc.

But what I didn’t count on is that some things get much harder. Like making friends, for example. How exactly does a woman of thirty meet new people? And how does she get to know them to the point of finding out if they have anything in common?

So many things have changed in the past couple of years. Two of my closest friends moved away. Far away. Two others got married. These were the people I hung out with. We were a perfect little circle. To make matters worse, I’m on the other side of a divorce now. And the few new people I meet are either married or in a relationship so that pretty much excludes me. It’s just weird to have the odd singleton in the mix.

But the fact of the matter is, I need to do something about this. Everything I do these days completely revolves around work. The only people I talk to outside of my family are clients and people who come into the store. Well, except for my best girlfriend, M. She’s amazing and the best friend I could hope for. But she lives in a grown up world where I feel like I don’t fit anymore. She has a real family of her own. Husband. Two kids. Cat.

So I realize that I need to fix this. And I want to fix it. I just don’t know how. I’ve considered taking a class at the local university but I’m afraid I’ll stick out as the old person in the class and not meet a soul. I really don’t like going out to clubs and besides, you can’t really meet anybody in a place like that.

Plus, I want to meet a man. A good man. Once upon a time I knew this guy who was attracted to smart girls. He would IM me from work and ask me what I was working on and the more studious it was, the better. And he was crazy for it. Now there were lots of things about him that made that particular guy not good for me. But I really want to believe that there’s a similar one out there who might not need a Barbie doll to be happy. And who I might possibly be able to hold an intelligent conversation with. And maybe, just maybe, he would have a job. But I’m not going to meet him sitting at my computer 18 hours a day.

So I must figure out how to make this happen or I will be destined, as Bridget would say, to die old and alone and eventually be eaten by wild dogs.

Relationships

Gotta Get Me One of Those

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A friend of mine wrote to say she just received 5 dozen roses from this guy she’s been seeing. They met sixty days ago. He sent her daisies after their first date and later sent sunflowers and two dozen long stem roses. Then today… this.

And that’s not all… according to her he cooks “like a gourment chef”, he cleans, treats her “like a queen” and is a true romantic.

So I guess there’s hope for the rest of us to find a truly good guy. 🙂 Unless he was the last one?! :=\

Life or something like it, Relationships

Circle of Friends

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It seems I’ve gotten into a habit of ranting lately, so here’s a post on the positive side. I’ve realized lately that the absolute best times in my life have been those time when I had a “circle of friends.” By circle of friends, I don’t mean cool ceramic nick-nack (left), I’m talking about a group of friends who hang out together, talk together, laugh (A LOT) together, even cry together. It may sound a little on the hokey side, but if you’ve ever experienced this, you know what I’m talking about.

I’ve been blessed to have two such circles in my life. My first experience with a dynamic like this began my freshman year of college. I went to a university in my hometown and we commuters had a tendency to bond just as the residents did. I met a girl in one of my very first college classes who had gone to a rival high school in my county. We were fast friends… before I knew it we were best friends. She was maid of honor at my wedding a few years later. Anyway, I swear to this day that I had the idea for the TV show “Friends” based on my interaction with our little group. There were 3 girls and 3 guys (weird, huh?). We were all very much individuals but seemed to just click when we were together. I took my first on-my-own out-of-town trips with this bunch — including my first Spring Break in Panama City! We went to concerts. We partied. We crashed. We crammed. We recovered. All together. My best friend had a huge house really close to campus, an exceptionally cool mother we affectionately called “Aunt Martha”, and a dad who was out of town really often for work. So her house became our house. Some of my best stories are from this time in my life. Now, I’m sure this has a lot to do with the actual “time in my life” — my first year in college, first time out on my own, my first job, etc. But even so, these are people I would have done anything for and I know they felt the same about me. These are the people I was with when Kurt Kobain died. The people I couldn’t wait to tell when I got engaged. The people who played a huge part in shaping the person I am today.

My second circle has just recently broken up and I suppose that’s part of the reason for this topic. It’s so much harder to maintain friendships as we get older and even harder still to make new ones. This group was actually a group of co-workers which should tell you right there what kind of people they all are. If we’re willing to spend time together outside of work after spending 10 hours a day together, we must all be a little on the cool side. 😉 This group was different because these were “grown up” friends. Not boring. Not old. Just grown up in that they were all working at “real” jobs, trying to establish themselves (or possibly even having already established themselves) and even still trying to figure out who they were. And let me tell you, I was right there with them. Spending time together outside of work was a much-needed release from our high-pressure jobs at the newspaper and we all came to rely on our monthly get-togethers. But as all good things do, this circle of mine has pretty much come to an end. Two got married, two moved away, and I ran away (from the job, anyway). We still keep in touch, but our real time together has clearly passed.

If you’re fortunate enough to have a cirlce of friends at this very moment, take a minute right now to tell each and every one of them how fabulous they are! And I’m gonna go get a tissue, all this walking down memory lane has me a little misty.

Life or something like it

Drowning in a Sea of Testosterone

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Today I am oddly nostalgic for the good old days when I had my old job. Not that I miss the job at all but I SO miss my girlfriends.

Most of my time is spent at work these days and I work in place whose patrons are 99.9% male. I can go days without actually talking to another female and it makes me crazy (-er). I talk to my girls on the IM, but it’s just not the same.

Intelligent. Female. Conversation. Severely lacking in my life right now.

AND, I am SO jealous of everybody I know who is in love. I know it’s incredibly un-feminist, post-modern woman of me, but I want it so bad! How nice it would be to have someone who genuinely cares about me?! I’ve truly forgotten what that’s like.

😦 Crap, now I need to change my mood to “sad.”

Life or something like it, Relationships

Answers, Please

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Every time I think I’m getting myself on track something happens that COMPLETELY throws me for a loop and then, there I am again, flailing around like a fish out of water. Where exactly does the expression “older and wiser” come from? How much older do I have to be before I actually get wiser? Because, right now, I am feeling like a complete and total idiot.

Things I Don’t Understand That I Hope I Will Understand Before I’m Too Old To Care If I Understand Them:

(1) Why doesn’t hard work pay off? I’ve always heard this was true. My mom always said it. My dad always said it. “Keep that nose to the grindstone and someday you’ll be glad you did.” Bah. Humbug. Screw that. My nose has been to the freakin’ grindstone since I started first grade and where has it gotten me? Sure, I don’t work “for the man” anymore but so what? I still don’t make any money. I’m not doing what I want to be doing. My college education means crap (except for once a month when I struggle to make that stupid loan payment and then it means an upset stomach and a headache). My work experience, while quite respectable for someone my age,means diddly squat in the job I have now.

(2) Why are there so many “takers” and so few “givers”? Why are there so many people who are perfect willing to let another person go out of their way for them (no kidding, these folks will ask for anything) but have a problem with getting a soda for someone when they’re already on their way to the stupid machine anyway?

Shouldn’t our exchanges with people be more of a two way street? And people like me, who are good-hearted and easy-going by nature are such easy freakin’ targets! It doesn’t bother me one bit to do a favor for a friend. Hmph… not even just for friends. Acquaintances, even. It’s just the way I was raised and I hate that I feel like a moron sometimes for being that way. All you takers our there (you SO know who you are) should get off your collective arses and give a little back now and again.

(3) Why does the dog prefer to eat the cat food?

(4) Men. Or even better, relationships with men. Or better yet, interaction with men. Okay so there was no question there and my nifty little format of “(#) Why” just went TOTALLY out the window, but I don’t even know what question to ask. They do the complete opposite of what we need them to do exactly 99% of the time. We talk… try to tell them what we want (so that the percentage might eek down to 98%) and they pretend to listen. They nod and grunt or say something charming while trying to make the dialogue — scratch that– the monologue end as quickly as possible and then the next day the entire episode is completely erased from their memories. They want the wrong girls… they’re so wrapped up in their penises that they forget that someday, they’re gonna be old and shriveled up and wish they had somebody to make them mashed potatoes and gravy for dinner ’cause they’re false teeth hurt their gums and they don’t want anything they have to chew. They forget that one of these days, they’re gonna get fired (that’s provided they’re one of the men who actually work for a living) and feel worthless and emasculated and they’re gonna want somebody to remind them just how Almonso (read “Manly”) they really are. Or maybe it’s not that they forget these things… maybe it’s that they never even think about them in the first place. Yep, that’s gotta be it.

Okay, so that’s my short list. It is now officially 5am and it’s time to stop before this rant throws me into a total depression.

Oh yeah, and by the way… If anybody knows the answers to any of these questions, I’d appreciate being let in on the secret(s).