Tag Archives: dating

Life or something like it, Relationships

It’s Like, You Know…

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I know it’s been way too long since I’ve posted anything here. I’ve been doing some re-grouping as most people do this time of year. And here’s one thing I’ve learned: posting here, perhaps, makes me a bit too introspective. I firmly believe that self-awareness is a good thing, but I need to better learn how to achieve that self-awareness without absolutely dwelling on certain aspects of my life that, more often than not, make me unhappy. So hopefully I will be able to post here more often, and actually make myself feel better rather than worse.

To catch you up… a few things that have happened during my AWOL period:

  • The dog has taken to running out the back gate every time I leave the house and it’s driving me crazy.
  • My grandfather passed away. He was 84 but basically in good health so it was a bit of a shock. He went in for some heart surgery, which he survived, but we lost him when they tried to take him off the machines in recovery. We buried him last week, complete with all the appropriate bells and whistles for an honored WWII veteran.
  • The wipers on my car have mysteriously stopped working. We had our first snow/ice of the season a couple of weeks ago and I thought they were just frozen, but it’s 70 degrees this week and they still won’t work. Of course, this is happening now, as my car is recently paid off.
  • There has been discussion of selling The Store. I really don’t want this to happen for several reasons, not the least of which is that I’ve had enough change for a while and I’d like things to just sort of “stay” for a while.

And because I was absent and missed the day we all did resolutions…
In 2005, I resolve:

  • to quit smoking. By June30th.
  • to lose 50 pounds. Which leads me to the next resolution
  • to run 3 times a week. Got new running shoes for Christmas, so I’m ready.
  • to increase my monthly billing for Kim’s Lilypad x2.
  • to learn how to do more with my beautiful guitar than just look good holding it.
Relationships

Watch Out for Wild Dogs

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Growing up I remember often thinking that life would be easier when I got older. And I guess some things are. On a lot of levels, I’m more confident. I don’t have to worry about pimples. My parents can’t tell me what to do. I have my own money that I can spend as I see fit. etc. etc. etc.

But what I didn’t count on is that some things get much harder. Like making friends, for example. How exactly does a woman of thirty meet new people? And how does she get to know them to the point of finding out if they have anything in common?

So many things have changed in the past couple of years. Two of my closest friends moved away. Far away. Two others got married. These were the people I hung out with. We were a perfect little circle. To make matters worse, I’m on the other side of a divorce now. And the few new people I meet are either married or in a relationship so that pretty much excludes me. It’s just weird to have the odd singleton in the mix.

But the fact of the matter is, I need to do something about this. Everything I do these days completely revolves around work. The only people I talk to outside of my family are clients and people who come into the store. Well, except for my best girlfriend, M. She’s amazing and the best friend I could hope for. But she lives in a grown up world where I feel like I don’t fit anymore. She has a real family of her own. Husband. Two kids. Cat.

So I realize that I need to fix this. And I want to fix it. I just don’t know how. I’ve considered taking a class at the local university but I’m afraid I’ll stick out as the old person in the class and not meet a soul. I really don’t like going out to clubs and besides, you can’t really meet anybody in a place like that.

Plus, I want to meet a man. A good man. Once upon a time I knew this guy who was attracted to smart girls. He would IM me from work and ask me what I was working on and the more studious it was, the better. And he was crazy for it. Now there were lots of things about him that made that particular guy not good for me. But I really want to believe that there’s a similar one out there who might not need a Barbie doll to be happy. And who I might possibly be able to hold an intelligent conversation with. And maybe, just maybe, he would have a job. But I’m not going to meet him sitting at my computer 18 hours a day.

So I must figure out how to make this happen or I will be destined, as Bridget would say, to die old and alone and eventually be eaten by wild dogs.

Humor, Relationships

The Facts of Life

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So, I’m working like mad the past couple of weeks, trying to get the store site back up and I’m practically living at Mindgames and all I can think is how there are never any girls in this place. And therefore, I’m never around any girls anymore. Which means most of the guys who hang out at Mindgames are seldom (if ever) around any girls. So I’m thinking perhaps you guys could use a little insight into the female psyche from time to time. Maybe I’m wrong… maybe you guys have it all figured out. If this is this case, I implore you to enlighten your fellow geeks without worry about the potential for competition. There are plenty of girls to go around. I promise.

My best girlfriend says there are two essential facts we must all understand about life. Everything else is just details. Ready? Here they are: Fact #1: Boys are stupid (wait… don’t get offended… yet) and Fact #2: Girls are evil.

I’m not sure if I’m a 100% believer in her theory, but I will concede that it does have some merit. At least, I’ll concede that by accepting these assumptions about the opposite sex we can make our lives easier. Question: Have you ever heard a girl say, “I cannot believe he just said that to me. What was he thinking?” Answer: Boys are stupid. Question: Have you ever spent a Saturday night playing cards or the computer ’til the wee hours only to have your girl call and ask when you’re coming home? “I don’t know. Did you want me to come home now?” you say. And she comes back with, “No. It’s okay. Just play. I don’t care.” Yet, the next time you see her, she’s quiet. And subtlely pissy. Why? Answer: Girls are evil.

More on Fact #1 or “Why Boys Are Stupid”:

If the girl who gets her feelings hurt by a guy who speaks before thinking could just understand Fact #1, her life would be exponentially easier. It’s not so much that boys are stupid. It’s more that they’re ignorant. They’re ignorant about the way girls work… about what we really want. And to us, it seems incredibly stupid because what we want is perfectly clear. To us. So here are a few hints, guys:

  • We want to feel special. Yeah, I know. That sounds so after-school-special. But it’s true. We want to know that when you think of us (not girls in general, but your specific girl) that you think we’re the coolest girl you know. And yes, I am fully aware that this next statement might be construed as completely insane, but here goes:
  • We want to feel like there is nothing you’d rather be doing and no place you’d rather be, than with us. Period.
  • We want to feel pretty. Omg. I am actually laughing as I type that, but it’s true. So for crying out loud, compliment your girl. Don’t work yourself to death with it. But chances are, if you’re really into her, it won’t actually be that hard. And just so you know, the absolute best time to compliment her (read: most effective) is on the day she doesn’t look her best. Because you can be certain she’s aware of that fact. No girl is oblivious to the bad hair day (well, with the possible exception of those who are still sporting “mall bangs”) or the strategically placed pimple. Oh, and if you’re one of those rare, golden guys who will actually fall for a girl in spite of the way she looks… Say, perhaps, because she’s fun to be with or because you have random things in common or (god forbid) because she’s smart and you’re actually into that… then remember that she wants to feel pretty too. And she probably tries much harder to look nice when she leaves the house than those who were fortunate enough to be blessed with good genes. So pick something about her that you do find attractive — maybe her eyes are a great color or she has good lips or cool new shirt. One more thing, if you want major bonus points, acknowledge it when she does something different, like changing her hair, because there’s a very good chance, she left the salon wondering what you’d think.
  • Occasionally, we want you to take control. Now before your mind goes directly into the gutter, stop. Read. Comprehend. Come out of the bedroom and into, for example, the kitchen or the garage or the front yard. Fix something that’s broken (this next phrase is the key here, guys) without being asked. Or change the oil in the car. Girls go bananas over a guy who actually makes himself useful. You will find that taking this initiative from time to time will eliminate a good 90% of what is commonly known as “nagging.” I guarantee it. I further guarantee, that this course of action is the mostly likely to bring forth rewards. And I’m talking the good kind here. Feel free to let your mind wander back into the bedroom now, cause that’s where I’m headed with this.

More on Fact #2 or “Why Girls Are Evil”:

  • Because we rarely ever say what we mean. Instead we say we “don’t want to talk about it” or the ever-popular, “Nothing.” Now, if we truly believe Fact #1 why on earth would we expect you to read our minds? I’m thinking that’s a talent more often reserved for the gifted. But that’s just me.
  • As a rule, we’re much better at reading people than guys are. Which makes us better manipulators. Your typical girl will take full advantage of this fact. She will figure out what makes you tick (sadly, 9 times out of ten, it’s not that tough a call to make) and she will use it to her advantage. Very. Effectively. This is also why girls get so catty about other girls. We can smell a user a mile away. And when we do, we want her to stay at least twice that far from any guy we give a rat’s tail about. And I don’t just mean our boyfriends, but our boy friends as well. To recap, your typical girl is a master manipulator. So try to stay away from typical girls.
  • As stated above, what we want is perfectly clear to us. The evil part is this: it’s likely to change from one minute to the next. You can’t predict it. And you can’t avoid it. All I can offer you is this: Know it’s coming. And roll with it. If your girl changes ships in midstream and wants to completely screw up your plans for the night because she’s changed hers, it’s perfectly acceptable not to toss your entire night out the window to satisfy her whim. You may suffer for it for a fleeting moment, but if she’s worth your time, she’ll remember that it’s her own fault and she’ll get over. Plus, if she really cares about you, she wants you to have some time to yourself now and then. And if she’s really as smart as she thinks she is, she knows that this will only make you both happier to see each other the next time you’re together.
  • We forget that we are actual, real, fully-functioning human beings when we are not attached to a guy. It slips our minds that, before we met you, we actually did have some semblance of a life and we weren’t all that unhappy with it. We actually went out with our friends and (gasp!) enjoyed it. Be careful about bringing this one up, though. If you don’t handle it correctly she’s going to immediately jump to the conclusion that you’re trying to get rid of her.

    Okay, I guess that’s it. Anybody still reading? ;-)Next time: Embrace Your Inner Geek