At what point do I stop feeling like I’m walking uphill every minute of every day? My body is exhausted and my soul is beaten down. You’d think as much as I work that I’d be getting rich. But I’m not — I’m just getting old.

I try to make adjustments, to do new things, talk to new people, change my routine… but nothing ever really changes. I’m in such a funk that all I really want to do is stay home where there is no one else and just be myself. Everything I do and say has to be filtered or edited to make it “appropriate” for the person I’m talking to or the situation I’m in and I’m sick of it. I just want to be myself. If I feel like shit today, I just want to be able to feel like shit and not have to justify it to fourteen different people.

I want to wake up in the morning with something to look forward to. I want something to be excited about. I wrap myself up in this blanket of work and busy-ness and it’s nothing more than insulation. And it’s not working nearly as well as it used to.

1:00pm. Time to put on my blanket…