Category Archives: Relationships

Relationships

Watch Out for Wild Dogs

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Growing up I remember often thinking that life would be easier when I got older. And I guess some things are. On a lot of levels, I’m more confident. I don’t have to worry about pimples. My parents can’t tell me what to do. I have my own money that I can spend as I see fit. etc. etc. etc.

But what I didn’t count on is that some things get much harder. Like making friends, for example. How exactly does a woman of thirty meet new people? And how does she get to know them to the point of finding out if they have anything in common?

So many things have changed in the past couple of years. Two of my closest friends moved away. Far away. Two others got married. These were the people I hung out with. We were a perfect little circle. To make matters worse, I’m on the other side of a divorce now. And the few new people I meet are either married or in a relationship so that pretty much excludes me. It’s just weird to have the odd singleton in the mix.

But the fact of the matter is, I need to do something about this. Everything I do these days completely revolves around work. The only people I talk to outside of my family are clients and people who come into the store. Well, except for my best girlfriend, M. She’s amazing and the best friend I could hope for. But she lives in a grown up world where I feel like I don’t fit anymore. She has a real family of her own. Husband. Two kids. Cat.

So I realize that I need to fix this. And I want to fix it. I just don’t know how. I’ve considered taking a class at the local university but I’m afraid I’ll stick out as the old person in the class and not meet a soul. I really don’t like going out to clubs and besides, you can’t really meet anybody in a place like that.

Plus, I want to meet a man. A good man. Once upon a time I knew this guy who was attracted to smart girls. He would IM me from work and ask me what I was working on and the more studious it was, the better. And he was crazy for it. Now there were lots of things about him that made that particular guy not good for me. But I really want to believe that there’s a similar one out there who might not need a Barbie doll to be happy. And who I might possibly be able to hold an intelligent conversation with. And maybe, just maybe, he would have a job. But I’m not going to meet him sitting at my computer 18 hours a day.

So I must figure out how to make this happen or I will be destined, as Bridget would say, to die old and alone and eventually be eaten by wild dogs.

Relationships

Gotta Get Me One of Those

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A friend of mine wrote to say she just received 5 dozen roses from this guy she’s been seeing. They met sixty days ago. He sent her daisies after their first date and later sent sunflowers and two dozen long stem roses. Then today… this.

And that’s not all… according to her he cooks “like a gourment chef”, he cleans, treats her “like a queen” and is a true romantic.

So I guess there’s hope for the rest of us to find a truly good guy. 🙂 Unless he was the last one?! :=\

Humor, Relationships

The Facts of Life

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So, I’m working like mad the past couple of weeks, trying to get the store site back up and I’m practically living at Mindgames and all I can think is how there are never any girls in this place. And therefore, I’m never around any girls anymore. Which means most of the guys who hang out at Mindgames are seldom (if ever) around any girls. So I’m thinking perhaps you guys could use a little insight into the female psyche from time to time. Maybe I’m wrong… maybe you guys have it all figured out. If this is this case, I implore you to enlighten your fellow geeks without worry about the potential for competition. There are plenty of girls to go around. I promise.

My best girlfriend says there are two essential facts we must all understand about life. Everything else is just details. Ready? Here they are: Fact #1: Boys are stupid (wait… don’t get offended… yet) and Fact #2: Girls are evil.

I’m not sure if I’m a 100% believer in her theory, but I will concede that it does have some merit. At least, I’ll concede that by accepting these assumptions about the opposite sex we can make our lives easier. Question: Have you ever heard a girl say, “I cannot believe he just said that to me. What was he thinking?” Answer: Boys are stupid. Question: Have you ever spent a Saturday night playing cards or the computer ’til the wee hours only to have your girl call and ask when you’re coming home? “I don’t know. Did you want me to come home now?” you say. And she comes back with, “No. It’s okay. Just play. I don’t care.” Yet, the next time you see her, she’s quiet. And subtlely pissy. Why? Answer: Girls are evil.

More on Fact #1 or “Why Boys Are Stupid”:

If the girl who gets her feelings hurt by a guy who speaks before thinking could just understand Fact #1, her life would be exponentially easier. It’s not so much that boys are stupid. It’s more that they’re ignorant. They’re ignorant about the way girls work… about what we really want. And to us, it seems incredibly stupid because what we want is perfectly clear. To us. So here are a few hints, guys:

  • We want to feel special. Yeah, I know. That sounds so after-school-special. But it’s true. We want to know that when you think of us (not girls in general, but your specific girl) that you think we’re the coolest girl you know. And yes, I am fully aware that this next statement might be construed as completely insane, but here goes:
  • We want to feel like there is nothing you’d rather be doing and no place you’d rather be, than with us. Period.
  • We want to feel pretty. Omg. I am actually laughing as I type that, but it’s true. So for crying out loud, compliment your girl. Don’t work yourself to death with it. But chances are, if you’re really into her, it won’t actually be that hard. And just so you know, the absolute best time to compliment her (read: most effective) is on the day she doesn’t look her best. Because you can be certain she’s aware of that fact. No girl is oblivious to the bad hair day (well, with the possible exception of those who are still sporting “mall bangs”) or the strategically placed pimple. Oh, and if you’re one of those rare, golden guys who will actually fall for a girl in spite of the way she looks… Say, perhaps, because she’s fun to be with or because you have random things in common or (god forbid) because she’s smart and you’re actually into that… then remember that she wants to feel pretty too. And she probably tries much harder to look nice when she leaves the house than those who were fortunate enough to be blessed with good genes. So pick something about her that you do find attractive — maybe her eyes are a great color or she has good lips or cool new shirt. One more thing, if you want major bonus points, acknowledge it when she does something different, like changing her hair, because there’s a very good chance, she left the salon wondering what you’d think.
  • Occasionally, we want you to take control. Now before your mind goes directly into the gutter, stop. Read. Comprehend. Come out of the bedroom and into, for example, the kitchen or the garage or the front yard. Fix something that’s broken (this next phrase is the key here, guys) without being asked. Or change the oil in the car. Girls go bananas over a guy who actually makes himself useful. You will find that taking this initiative from time to time will eliminate a good 90% of what is commonly known as “nagging.” I guarantee it. I further guarantee, that this course of action is the mostly likely to bring forth rewards. And I’m talking the good kind here. Feel free to let your mind wander back into the bedroom now, cause that’s where I’m headed with this.

More on Fact #2 or “Why Girls Are Evil”:

  • Because we rarely ever say what we mean. Instead we say we “don’t want to talk about it” or the ever-popular, “Nothing.” Now, if we truly believe Fact #1 why on earth would we expect you to read our minds? I’m thinking that’s a talent more often reserved for the gifted. But that’s just me.
  • As a rule, we’re much better at reading people than guys are. Which makes us better manipulators. Your typical girl will take full advantage of this fact. She will figure out what makes you tick (sadly, 9 times out of ten, it’s not that tough a call to make) and she will use it to her advantage. Very. Effectively. This is also why girls get so catty about other girls. We can smell a user a mile away. And when we do, we want her to stay at least twice that far from any guy we give a rat’s tail about. And I don’t just mean our boyfriends, but our boy friends as well. To recap, your typical girl is a master manipulator. So try to stay away from typical girls.
  • As stated above, what we want is perfectly clear to us. The evil part is this: it’s likely to change from one minute to the next. You can’t predict it. And you can’t avoid it. All I can offer you is this: Know it’s coming. And roll with it. If your girl changes ships in midstream and wants to completely screw up your plans for the night because she’s changed hers, it’s perfectly acceptable not to toss your entire night out the window to satisfy her whim. You may suffer for it for a fleeting moment, but if she’s worth your time, she’ll remember that it’s her own fault and she’ll get over. Plus, if she really cares about you, she wants you to have some time to yourself now and then. And if she’s really as smart as she thinks she is, she knows that this will only make you both happier to see each other the next time you’re together.
  • We forget that we are actual, real, fully-functioning human beings when we are not attached to a guy. It slips our minds that, before we met you, we actually did have some semblance of a life and we weren’t all that unhappy with it. We actually went out with our friends and (gasp!) enjoyed it. Be careful about bringing this one up, though. If you don’t handle it correctly she’s going to immediately jump to the conclusion that you’re trying to get rid of her.

    Okay, I guess that’s it. Anybody still reading? ;-)Next time: Embrace Your Inner Geek

    • Life or something like it, Relationships

    Circle of Friends

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    It seems I’ve gotten into a habit of ranting lately, so here’s a post on the positive side. I’ve realized lately that the absolute best times in my life have been those time when I had a “circle of friends.” By circle of friends, I don’t mean cool ceramic nick-nack (left), I’m talking about a group of friends who hang out together, talk together, laugh (A LOT) together, even cry together. It may sound a little on the hokey side, but if you’ve ever experienced this, you know what I’m talking about.

    I’ve been blessed to have two such circles in my life. My first experience with a dynamic like this began my freshman year of college. I went to a university in my hometown and we commuters had a tendency to bond just as the residents did. I met a girl in one of my very first college classes who had gone to a rival high school in my county. We were fast friends… before I knew it we were best friends. She was maid of honor at my wedding a few years later. Anyway, I swear to this day that I had the idea for the TV show “Friends” based on my interaction with our little group. There were 3 girls and 3 guys (weird, huh?). We were all very much individuals but seemed to just click when we were together. I took my first on-my-own out-of-town trips with this bunch — including my first Spring Break in Panama City! We went to concerts. We partied. We crashed. We crammed. We recovered. All together. My best friend had a huge house really close to campus, an exceptionally cool mother we affectionately called “Aunt Martha”, and a dad who was out of town really often for work. So her house became our house. Some of my best stories are from this time in my life. Now, I’m sure this has a lot to do with the actual “time in my life” — my first year in college, first time out on my own, my first job, etc. But even so, these are people I would have done anything for and I know they felt the same about me. These are the people I was with when Kurt Kobain died. The people I couldn’t wait to tell when I got engaged. The people who played a huge part in shaping the person I am today.

    My second circle has just recently broken up and I suppose that’s part of the reason for this topic. It’s so much harder to maintain friendships as we get older and even harder still to make new ones. This group was actually a group of co-workers which should tell you right there what kind of people they all are. If we’re willing to spend time together outside of work after spending 10 hours a day together, we must all be a little on the cool side. 😉 This group was different because these were “grown up” friends. Not boring. Not old. Just grown up in that they were all working at “real” jobs, trying to establish themselves (or possibly even having already established themselves) and even still trying to figure out who they were. And let me tell you, I was right there with them. Spending time together outside of work was a much-needed release from our high-pressure jobs at the newspaper and we all came to rely on our monthly get-togethers. But as all good things do, this circle of mine has pretty much come to an end. Two got married, two moved away, and I ran away (from the job, anyway). We still keep in touch, but our real time together has clearly passed.

    If you’re fortunate enough to have a cirlce of friends at this very moment, take a minute right now to tell each and every one of them how fabulous they are! And I’m gonna go get a tissue, all this walking down memory lane has me a little misty.

    Life or something like it, Relationships

    Answers, Please

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    Every time I think I’m getting myself on track something happens that COMPLETELY throws me for a loop and then, there I am again, flailing around like a fish out of water. Where exactly does the expression “older and wiser” come from? How much older do I have to be before I actually get wiser? Because, right now, I am feeling like a complete and total idiot.

    Things I Don’t Understand That I Hope I Will Understand Before I’m Too Old To Care If I Understand Them:

    (1) Why doesn’t hard work pay off? I’ve always heard this was true. My mom always said it. My dad always said it. “Keep that nose to the grindstone and someday you’ll be glad you did.” Bah. Humbug. Screw that. My nose has been to the freakin’ grindstone since I started first grade and where has it gotten me? Sure, I don’t work “for the man” anymore but so what? I still don’t make any money. I’m not doing what I want to be doing. My college education means crap (except for once a month when I struggle to make that stupid loan payment and then it means an upset stomach and a headache). My work experience, while quite respectable for someone my age,means diddly squat in the job I have now.

    (2) Why are there so many “takers” and so few “givers”? Why are there so many people who are perfect willing to let another person go out of their way for them (no kidding, these folks will ask for anything) but have a problem with getting a soda for someone when they’re already on their way to the stupid machine anyway?

    Shouldn’t our exchanges with people be more of a two way street? And people like me, who are good-hearted and easy-going by nature are such easy freakin’ targets! It doesn’t bother me one bit to do a favor for a friend. Hmph… not even just for friends. Acquaintances, even. It’s just the way I was raised and I hate that I feel like a moron sometimes for being that way. All you takers our there (you SO know who you are) should get off your collective arses and give a little back now and again.

    (3) Why does the dog prefer to eat the cat food?

    (4) Men. Or even better, relationships with men. Or better yet, interaction with men. Okay so there was no question there and my nifty little format of “(#) Why” just went TOTALLY out the window, but I don’t even know what question to ask. They do the complete opposite of what we need them to do exactly 99% of the time. We talk… try to tell them what we want (so that the percentage might eek down to 98%) and they pretend to listen. They nod and grunt or say something charming while trying to make the dialogue — scratch that– the monologue end as quickly as possible and then the next day the entire episode is completely erased from their memories. They want the wrong girls… they’re so wrapped up in their penises that they forget that someday, they’re gonna be old and shriveled up and wish they had somebody to make them mashed potatoes and gravy for dinner ’cause they’re false teeth hurt their gums and they don’t want anything they have to chew. They forget that one of these days, they’re gonna get fired (that’s provided they’re one of the men who actually work for a living) and feel worthless and emasculated and they’re gonna want somebody to remind them just how Almonso (read “Manly”) they really are. Or maybe it’s not that they forget these things… maybe it’s that they never even think about them in the first place. Yep, that’s gotta be it.

    Okay, so that’s my short list. It is now officially 5am and it’s time to stop before this rant throws me into a total depression.

    Oh yeah, and by the way… If anybody knows the answers to any of these questions, I’d appreciate being let in on the secret(s).