Category Archives: Life or something like it

Life or something like it

Blue Letter Days

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When I was a kid, mostly junior high-ish, every girl I knew kept these calendars. They were these cheap little things about the size of a checkbook that you could pick up just about anywhere for a dollar or two. Beneath the shiny plastic cover would be a photo of cute little teddy bears or dolphins or cuddly kittens. Inside, each month had a calendar that spread two pages and included an “inspirational” quote of some kind.

We wrote down everything in those little books. Practically every day was a blob of messy blue ink from the cheap pens we smuggled into school (pencils were the required writing utensil; pens were frowned upon). Back then every event seemed to be filled with such promise. And so were we. Everything that happened was possibly the beginning of something important. Whether it be the first time we had lunch with a new girlfriend or the first time a certain boy spoke to us in the hall. Or maybe it was our first softball practice with the varsity team. It didn’t matter what it was, it was all significant. We would record every event, sometimes in shorthand (in case the parentals happened to get their hands on them), because we just knew that someday we’d want to be able to look back and remember that was the day. Right there. That’s where it all started.

I don’t know exactly when I stopped recording everything like that. But I wish I still did it. I wish I could look at something that happened this morning and actually believe for the ten seconds it would take to write it down that it could be the beginning of something great. But the sad thing is that I just can’t make myself do it. I’ve seen the world’s evil face and I know what tomorrow has to offer. Or maybe I’ve just gotten so bogged down in the way I think things are that I’m failing to see potential all around me.

Either way, I realize now how much happiness is tied to hope. And faith. And how much I need to find some of both.

Life or something like it

Can’t We All Just Get Along?

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The last thirty-six hours have been somewhat disheartening for me. Not because Bush was re-elected and “America’s going to hell.” But rather, I am shaken by the flood of derogatory words from a party who claims to be the more accepting of the two. Before I comment on some of the statements I’ve collected, let me say this: I did not vote for Bush. But I didn’t vote for Kerry either. We need election reform in this country in a major way. We need more than just two standardized candidates who will throw around splinters pulled from the planks of their party’s platform. I cast my vote toward the abolition of the two-party system; I voted independent. That being said, let’s move on…

I just can’t believe how freakin brainless and brainwashed a percentage of Americans are.

They’re not “brainwashed” just because they voted for a different candidate than you did. Have a look at the exit polls and see that for an extremely large percentage of voters, “moral values” were the deciding factor. Apparently, these people want a president who espouses those same values.

I feel sick. If only we had let the south secede back in 1860.

So if a group of people have an opinion that’s different from yours, they are no longer worthy to be Americans? How does that fit in with the liberal agenda? I was under the impression that all people were to be accepted and affodred the same inalienable rights set forth in the founding documents of this country. Or does that principle only apply if their beliefs are “progressive”?

4 more years. damn fly over states!

So now mid-westerners are equally ignorant and ill-informed? I’m beginning to see a pattern here. Apparently, your opinion is only relevant if you live in California, New York, or Massachusetts?

This result sucks, but it’s been great to realise how many Americans aren’t the gun-toting, creation-theory teaching scary people the rest of the world sees.

The right to bear arms is in the Bill of Rights for crying out loud. Do you imagine those same “scary people” also expect to be allowed freedom of speech, a speedy trial, and protection from unreasonable search and seizure?

…

I always really struggle with who will get my vote in presidential elections. My views on certain issues are conservative. For example, I believe in a smaller government. I don’t want to hand over a portion of my hard-earned money to fund government programs I may or may not believe in. I paid my own college tuition for the education I needed to get this job and, call me crazy, but I tend to believe the money I make should be mine to do with as I see fit. Does that make me cold? Insensitive to the plight of those less fortunate? Maybe. Probably. But still, it’s my money. I earned it. I should be allowed to spend it.

Let’s look at it from a different angle. I hate turnip greens. The smell, the taste, the texture… the thought makes me nauseous. What if, though, America’s turnip green farmers had a massive surplus? Nobody was buying greens. The farmers and their families are in danger of going hungry, of freezing in cold winter temperatures. So the government decides that every American must go out and purchase X amount of turnip greens in order to take care of the farmers. Well that’s all well and good for the farmers but I just spent $3.99 on food that I am never going to eat.

Another thing we need to understand is that when someone truly believes in a particular god, there is no separation of church and state for them when it comes to forming their opinions. A true Christian or Muslim or Jew holds his beliefs within himself where they undoubtedly will have influence in the voting booth. As a person who was raised Christian, I find it exceptionally difficult to distance myself from what I feel is morally right or wrong when I am choosing a candidate. My instinct tells me to vote for the guy who is against gay marriages and abortion.

But then logic overtakes faith and that’s where my more liberal side comes out. My head tells me that we cannot say that the gay lifestyle is legal out of one side of our mouths and they’re not allowed to marry out of the other. I believe that people are born homosexual and the only argument for not allowing them union is a religious one, one that is strictly prohibited by the constitution of the United States of America. For religious reasons, I feel that abortion, as a rule, is wrong. But I don’t need the government to tell me that. I can decide on my own, thank you very much. And so can every other woman in the US.

I don’t know if I’ve made any sense here or not. But I feel better having had my say.

Life or something like it, Relationships

Scary

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You represent... loneliness.

You represent… loneliness.

Always alone and always sad about it… unlike

angst, you don’t have to look for a reason to

be miserable. You want to be in the company of

people but aren’t sure how to act when you’re

with them. Sometimes you have to make an

effort. You can’t always wait for others to

come to you.

What feeling do you represent?

brought to you by Quizilla

Life or something like it

Stop the Insanity

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When did it become attractive for a woman not to have boobs? And no butt? And no curves at all? I recall beginning to hear the term “heroine chic” with regard to runway models a few years back and then these girls slowly overtook all my favorite television shows. These girls who, when they strip down for the obligatory on-screen nakedness (as they inevitably do), I can count their ribs… They wear tiny little tee shirts that look like they were made for elementary school girls. Their arms and wrists are so small I’m afraid they’re going to pop and break at any second. It’s disgusting. And I’m sick of it. We are force-fed these images of what women are supposed to look like to the extent that men find nothing else attractive. They watch movies like The Girl Next Door with its strip club scene and Elisha Cuthbert’s bedroom window sideshow and then they walk out into the real world and expect to find a girl like that. This week’s episode of One Tree Hill featured high school girls doing a lingerie fashion show for one another. Smallville’s over-the-top contribution consisted of an ugly duckling with an incredibly bad case of acne who had excessive cosmetic surgery in order to transform herself into a beautiful swan. It took about two seconds from the time she walked into the high school for the boys to be swarming around her. Now I understand that men want a hot woman. But what has become the standard for “hot” makes me sick. A regular girl doesn’t stand a chance with guys who have been conditioned in this way. And what it’s done to the men is not the worst part.

It’s what it has done to us. Women have historically struggled with all types of body-image issues. In the past thirty years the terms “anorexia” and “bulimia” have gone from obscure medical conditions to common knowledge. We compare ourselves to the women in magazines and on television. Even though we know it’s not truly a fair comparison. We know there are countless factors involved in making these “ideal” women appear so. They have personal trainers and stylists and wear $300 jeans. Not to mention photographers who specialize in Photoshop touchups and airbrushing. Yet as long as we are separated from the standards that have been set by even the narrowest of margins, we feel less than. And if we’re over 25, it’s exponentially worse. My point is this: I am sick and tired of trying to be what someone else thinks I should be.

But I can’t get it out of my head.

Life or something like it

She

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She always had a joke to tell and after she delivered the punchline, the walls would quiver from her hearty laugh. She worked long hard days hemming tee-shirts in a factory and never once complained. She was a mother not unlike my own. Selfless. Strong. Sympathetic.

Friday nights throughout my childhood were spent with her, making Coke floats and watching Dallas. Every fall she would take my brother and I shopping for “Back to School clothes” and every winter she would fill her tiny living room with Christmas gifts for us all.

She drove a simple gray car and lived in a modest, aging house. The floors creaked with every step she took as she prepared a feast for us every Sunday afternoon. When the February cold whisked through the thin walls, she would leave the oven on and open the door to supplement the heat from the wood-burning stove.

She smelled of almond bark and cherries.

I never heard her speak an unkind word about another living soul, even though life had given her just cause to do so. She was the woman I hope to be someday. She was everything a grandmother should be.

And today would have been her birthday.

Life or something like it

Hauntings

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I’ve been playing the “what if” game a lot lately. I keep trying to figure out how my life got so off track. I’m second-guessing every decision I ever made — big ones, little ones, in-between ones. But mostly, it’s the big ones. For example…

What if I’d gone away to college rather than attending university right here at home?

Well, the downside would be the inevitable negative impact on my relationship with my parents and my brother. We’ve grown really close, as adults, these past few years and I know I wouldn’t have that. On the upside, I most likely would have had many more career opportunities upon graduation and would have thought a little “bigger”.

What if I’d never gotten married?

Wow. Now this one I could go on about forever. So I’ll try and just stick to the one aspect of this question that’s haunting me right now. If I had never gotten married, even if I’d gone to college locally, I so would have moved far, far away from here when I graduated. I would be in the big city somewhere with a completely different life. And the thought of that is very appealing to me right now. Very appealing.

What if I’d never gotten divorced?

Maybe that should read “What if I’d never had reason to get divorced?”. What if we’d met later in life? Or what if he’d meant his vows as much as I meant mine? Or what if I’d been the right girl? We’d be happy. In the traditional sense like my parents are happy. We’d work these ridiculously long hours like we work now, but it wouldn’t matter because at the end of the day, we’d go home together. We’d spend Sundays sleeping late and seeing a double feature at the movies. We’d take trips and talk about taking other trips. We’d make plans.

I haven’t written much lately because I’ve been in such a negative mood and I didn’t want to depress everybody else with my little pity party. It’s just that, as I’ve mentioned before, I’m a planner. And it’s so hard to sit back and look at my life now and realize that absolutely nothing is as I thought it would be. And even worse, very little is as I think it should be.

So I struggle now with decisions that should be simple ones because I’m afraid. I don’t trust my own judgment and I’m terrified that one more wrong turn will take me even further into this place I really don’t want to be in. But I know that I have to keep making the choices and taking the chances, because, one of these days, I’m going to get it right.

Life or something like it

Wind Talkers

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It feels SO fabulous outside right now. There’s this awesome warm breeze blowing because a storm’s on the way in and I keep sneaking out side for a minute here and there because it’s just so stinking NICE. It makes me wish I wasn’t at work and was sitting out on the porch with somebody drinkin’ beer, chillin’, and talking until we’d solved all the world’s problems. 🙂

Life or something like it

Wanted: A Schedule. ASAP.

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I am a Capricorn through and through. Which means I’m a little on the obsessive side. I need structure. And organization. And things to be in order. Including my time. I know it doesn’t make me seem like the most fun person in the world, but it helps me keep my sanity.

However, lately I have been totally off my schedule. I’ve been keeping weird hours and the insomia hasn’t helped either. So I just feel completely out of it. So I put this here, in writing, for all the world and my blogging buddies to see. I will figure out a more reasonable schedule for myself. I will work at least six hours sleep in there somewhere. I will make just a little time to do something fun. And I will put forth genuine effort to stick to it.

There. Sounds easy enough, right?

Entertainment, Life or something like it

My So-Called Likes

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In the grand tradition of bloggers everywhere, I offer up my first list of things I like and don’t like. I’m sure it’s incomplete and possibly, due to my current mood, heavy on the negative side. But here goes:

Things I Like:

  • Music, specifically hearing a great song for the first time and straining to commit the lyrics and the tune to memory before it reaches the end
  • My dog, Jake
  • My cats, Hershey, Sidda, and Fred the Explorer (wherever he may be)
  • Men in uniform
  • Writing with my best friend
  • Anything Joss Whedon touches, specifically Buffy, Angel, Firefly, and the upcoming Serenity feature film
  • Surprises
  • A good massage
  • Making other people happy
  • Mountain Dew, not Mountain Dew Code Red or Baja Mountain Dew or Mountain Dew Pitch Black or whatever other concoction they’ve come up with this week
  • Learning, specifically learning ANYTHING
  • Boys who play guitar
  • Girls who play guitar
  • Angelina Jolie
  • Well-written television
  • Inventive film making
  • Kevin Smith
  • Robert Rodriguez
  • People who say what they mean
  • People who mean what they say
  • Sarcasm
  • My wireless keyboard and mouse
  • The hard disk recorder (yes, it’s LIKE Tivo but it’s not Tivo; it’s better)
  • Being alone

Things I Don’t Like:

  • Selfish people
  • Lazy men
  • Taking out the trash at work
  • Reality TV
  • People who don’t appreciate the people who love them or even the fact that somebody loves them at all
  • Being taken advantage of because I like to make other people happy
  • Liars
  • Cheaters
  • People who talk and gesture while playing Pictionary (yes, I know it’s an ancient game but we still play occasionally around these parts)
  • Unfulfilled potential
  • Bad grammar
  • Misspelled words, specifically on signs in public places such as the grocery store
  • People who do not understand the correct usage of the “cent” sign and write things like “Bananas .99¢”
  • Stupidity
  • People who smell
  • Not being listened to
  • Being interrupted
  • People who talk during movies
  • People who bring babies to movies
  • Being alone
Life or something like it

Don’t you just love those days?

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You know the kind I mean… the days when you just know you look good. Of course “good” is a relative term. I’m not talking Angelina Jolie good, not movie star or supermodel good. But a day when the hair is better than average and the makeup went on just right and the color you’re wearing is just completely flattering to your complexion. And you’ve got great cleavage. It just works wonders for my mood.

Superficial, I know. But true.