It took me two dates to love him, three weeks to learn what he called his deepest, darkest secret, five weeks to move in with him and six weeks to learn his (real) deepest, darkest secret.

We were “in liquidation” at work. I managed a retail location for one of the now-defunct movie rental chains. I was working, at minimum, 60 hours a week and on my way to being unemployed. And I had never been happier in my life. A few short weeks earlier I had met a man. And not just any man… the man. I was over-the-moon in love for the first time in fifteen years. I hadn’t quite put my finger on what it was about him yet but I knew he was very different from any other guy I had dated before. Boy did I have that right…

Three weeks into our relationship I was ready to take J to meet my parents. They know me well enough that they could already tell he was around to stay. I was bouncing around the world like a teenager and they were anxious to meet him and see what all the fuss was about. We committed to dinner at their house after work on a Saturday and J, who was already in the habit of waiting at the store for me when it was time for me to leave work, was nowhere to be found. I called his cell and he answered promptly but was vague as to what the hold up was. He finally showed and as we started to pull out of the parking lot, he said “Park the car.” My heart dropped. He was backing out. It’s all over. Already.

I parked the car and turned the key off. I looked at him and saw tears welling up in his eyes. “What’s wrong?” Sobbing, he said he had to tell me something before I introduced him to my parents. He had been to prison. He told me his story and how ashamed he was of his past. He told me how much he loved me and how he had wanted to tell me but feared I would not understand… he was sure that I would bail.

It’s funny how easy it can be to accept something you never would have imagined accepting. If anyone had told me twenty years ago I would love an “ex-con”, I would have laughed and been positive they were dead wrong. But I didn’t blink… I didn’t consider for even half a second walking away from him. I already loved him. Really loved him. I’ve seen it written somewhere since that day that “when you love someone, you love all of them. That’s the job.” And that’s how it is with J and me. To some that might sound like emotional captivity but for me, it’s extremely liberating. It’s empowering to love without apologies… to embrace all the wonderful flaws and brokenness that make up this very human being I call my other half.

Many, many days have passed since that one. He and I have argued and laughed. We’ve danced and we’ve cried. We have both made enough mistakes to write a book about what not to do. But mostly we get it right. We have each other’s backs through anything and everything. And it all started with “Park the car.”

Coming up: His (Real) Deepest, Darkest Secret