So I’ve had an epiphany of late about why I seem to have such a hard time being content… finding happiness and I thought I’d share.

I listen to a lot of talk radio. My mornings are filled with call-in shrink shows and sometimes one of them strikes a chord with me. The other day this woman was struggling with “never being good enough.” I feel that way all the time. The host asked the caller if it was really that she never felt good enough, or that the goalpost keeps moving. Her answer (the same as mine), “The goalpost keeps moving.”

I was a “gifted” child. Continuously challenged with special classes and special projects. I was expected to get all A’s and not 90’s either. High A’s. A 98 wasn’t an accomplishment for me… it was two points shy of the goal. In high school, I made 100+’s in English Comp because the teacher regularly gave extra credit points and because the writing came so naturally to me. I loved that class because I wasn’t just good at it, I was exceptional and there were no more points to be had. I reached the unreachable.

In sports, there was always another game so always another challenge. Although, I tended to stick with the one sport I was really good at and not do the rest. If I couldn’t be perfect at it, and there was a choice, I’d choose not to do it. Now some people will say if you can’t do something well, don’t do it at all. And I guess that’s a valid philosophy but for me, I needed the perfection and not having it was too hard so I’d just skip it all together.

And so we come to my adult life. I get bored with things so easily and I think it’s because the challenge runs out… work, hobbies, relationships. I need to be working toward something. Always. And in my NEED for that, I miss all of my own accomplishments. I overlook my own happiness. I move all my own goalposts.

So my new goal is to stop doing at least one of those things. I’m going to start patting myself on the back and trying to find something I’ve accomplished every day. It’s the little things that could really make a difference, so here goes…